Deathkampen 2 tour - Insision, Godhate, Death Du Jour, Hateform "Liver after midnight"

19.10 Helsinki, Semifinal
On Tuesday, about 13.00 we were supposed to meet at bus-station in Turku. Everyone was there with the exception of Ville, who was coming to Helsinki later with his own car and OM and TF of Death Du Jour, who we had to pick up from Salo. I was the first to drive so I grabbed the wheel and headed out to highway. To my great surprise I didn't even saw the highway when I got the command to drive to the nearest supermarket to buy some, guess what... yep... beer of course. No less than about 12 12-packs were stuffed to our car. Nice... Journey continued with the boys in the back enjoying the fruits of the supermarket. I was listening boys talking about whatever nine hairy boys could talk and thought to myself "Are these the things I'm going to hear during these five days?" Arrival to Helsinki happened in prime time, during the worst traffic. Five seconds in Helsinki and I already drove wrong way. Somehow we found the venue, got in, checked the place out... quite small stage... good for us. Introduced with the guys of Godhate and Insision. At this point everyone was quiet... at this point. As the show started at 22.00, we thought why not kill time carrying the booze into the backstage. We got to hallway, when this guy who was in charge of the club, comes to us with his face all red like baboons ass, shouting "What the fuck do you guys think you are doing? This is a restaurant, not a fucking kinder garden!" Obviously 12 packs of beer was too much to bring to the backstage. We got him calmed, and he left but he was really pissed of. Show went fine considering that the place was not overcrowded in any ways. Promised to each other we won't drink tonight... so we did! Rest of the night went smoothly, little drunk with the boys. I finished the night by saying to the guy who earlier pulled his hair off, that he should come and check out our gig tomorrow, cause he obviously haven't got a life of his own. Another bridge burned... So after the shows we carried the gear to the bus and went to the nearest bar. After that, to the nearest kebab-place. TK finished that meal smoothly also by shouting "Sieg heil!" and telling to that poor bastard behind the register that his food was pure crap! Had a few beers in the trailer, and then passed out. Moikka moi moi...

20.10 Tampere, Klubi
Woke up to the heavy smell of sweat and shit. Was I alive? Yeah… barely. I was on the upper bed between these two gorgeous beings PB and Jontte. Reminded me of the Faith No More song "Ugly in the morning". Looked down from the bed and the sight was like from the movie "Dawn of the dead". Half dead smelly carcasses everywhere. Time to wake up and search the nearest gas station for some breakfast. After that Reisari took the wheel and we headed towards Tampere. Stopped by this fusion of car-store and café, I don't know where. Few people looked us badly. Maybe because we talked about things that shouldn't been discussed at the same time when others are eating their meals. Took off. Our trailer smelled like hell. Arrived to Tampere. We got some time so we headed downtown for a beer (surprise). We found Alko also, thank god. Started the show little late due some technical difficulties and played for like 15 people. Great! Luckily, there was a sauna on the backstage, so we went there. Collected the points again by asking the bassist of Godhate if he knows the meaning of word "saunasolmu" (Nice thing to ask for someone who you are going to sauna with...). He replied "No". So I told him that it means when you go to sauna and suck your own dick. He had a little confused laugh. Then I pointed to TK and said, "He knows, he does it all the time". I went to sauna and behind I heard TK saying with a tiny voice "I don't suck my own dick" and we just laughed our asses off. I bet the Swedish guy just begged to come sauna with us. When the gear was packed we tried to talk our drivers OM and TF, to stay the night in Tampere so we could go to local bars. They wanted to go, but right after they had a kebab. So we had little time before we had to go. We hanged around the club and somehow Reisari managed to hit Christian (Insision's guitarist) with a plastic bag full of towels and unbeknownst to Reisari, bottle of beer right to the head. So his head burst open. (Actually the hit was meant for Joni). Great, I thought. This was exactly what we needed. Our drunken drummer getting known to our Swedish buddies by hitting them with bottles. We had this local friend with us who said he knew just the place for us. It was nice place indeed. Was it because the exotic dancer in a cage...? I got call from Reisari asking where we were. I told him about the place and he was anxious to get there (how come?). When he came, he couldn't get in because he was so drunk. So we had to leave. At last we found our trailer and we were off towards to Joensuu (Joe's mouth). Fortunately we had some booze in the trailer so the night was quite interesting. Like a party on wheels. Actually there is video footage of us messing around in trailer and TK rolling on the side of the road, quite unable to stand for some reasons. On top of the cake, boys had just pissed on that particular side of the road so now we had new exiting smell on our trailer. Rest of the night is blank, can't remember a thing...

21.10 Joensuu, Mark's
Woke up at Joensuu feeling like a Christmas turkey on dinner table, ready to go. Again, on this morning boys were looking fantastic. Only cure was to go and find a place where we could get beer. Luckily, Ville has lived in Joensuu and knew a place. It was a café. 9.30 in the morning, four ugly guys in a small café, buying beer. Nice. Rest of the day was just waiting for the venue doors to open. Little sightseeing is always good. Actually, I think we were the sight to see. Gig went well. Funny thing was when our vocalist Nyström announced that next song is from the band "Death". Someone from the audience shouted "I bet you guys can't play Death!". Always nice to have warm welcome. Rest of the night we got drunk... again. Tried to hide from this horny 40-year old lady, who was after everybody. Our singer had some girl so we didn't see him much that night. We had agreed that after the show we would go to Mediaworks studio to have a "few" drinks and sauna with Ville, Joni and me. At some point I realized that I was lost at the central of Joensuu. Then I remembered that Carl from Insision had given me his phone number in case of something will happen. So I called him. The answering machine was on, so I left him a message, which went quite much like "glahglahblah-brrrrzzz..." and so on. It's amazing how difficult normal speech can be if you are wasted enough. Soon after that he called me and asked am I ok. Must have been because of that damn message. At some point I found the studio, we went to sauna, played pool and a game called "Guess what metal song with banjo?" Markus "Druidi" Hirvonen from Insomnium turned out to be quite a "banjist". Lost my consciousness somewhere, somehow...

22.10 Imatra, Woodoo
Woke up to a fucking loud sound which turned out to be a banjo and the chord had to be E cause it sounded so stupid that I started laughing. Next thing crossing my bit-confused mind was "Where in the hell am I"? Splitting headache came to me so quick that I almost died. Almost. Had to go for breakfast, kebab. Soon after we left Joensuu and headed towards Imatra. Back to that stinking trailer. On our way there we stopped in the gas station. Obviously the boys were in need of quick relief cause the bathroom reeked of shit and all I could see was army boots under the doors. Smell was so bad that I had to go drink some water. Lady behind the register told me that we looked like we play in a rock 'n roll band (oh yeah?) and asked what bands are we from. I was like "Death Du Jour and Hateform". After a small silence she told me that she had never heard neither one of us (??) and started asking from her co-workers if they had. Then started the oh-so-familiar-spell-the-name-of-your-band-thing. Hay... Hayt... Heitwo... Dysyy... Deddyzyy... Silently I sneaked out of the door. Back to the safe house. We arrived Imatra at last. I thought that since I've never been there, I should check the place out. I never did. Carried the gear, ate, and started killing time (time killing me). Started show at 22.00 again. Not much crowd but we had fun to play. After the show I heard that there was more beer for us since Ville and Joni were designated drivers. Already my liver was making this strange "hummm" sound. So, got ourselves wasted, spent little more time with the Swedes, which was great and learned lot of useful words in Swedish. Final nail to the coffin was after the shows when the bar crew brought us more beer and six bottles of booze. Started boozing right there on the street in front of the venue. Had a great time. It was nice to see that the Swedes drink too, I thought we were the only to do so. Last things I remember were our drummer hugging Godhate's drummer, Roger and pulling his hair. Little mistake... Heavymetalman's first rule: Never, I mean NEVER, pull another guys hair. It was close to become a fistfight. I got Roger calmed and the party continued. Only thing is that I can't remember a damn thing after that. Must be because of that booze. Should've stick to the beer...

23.10 Turku, Pelimies
Woke up to this funny feeling that bladder was trying to get out through my mouth. First thing that I did was smash the curtains open and shout "Oscar! Kommer du ihåg min röven!" Guys sat down there and stared me like 2 $ transvestite prostitute in five star restaurant. Then they laughed their asses off. Sat down with the boys and started to navigate our current location. Then I saw TF and his face. It was full of this weird black shit. It looked like someone had been playing with marker pen or something. He sat there looking miserable and I started laughing. "Poor bastard... didn't see that coming..." OM tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Maybe you should go and check the mirror". Of course my face was all black too. No wonder they laughed so much when they saw me. I pissed off totally and shouted that I won't play a single fucking note if this black shit won't get out of my face! Fortunately it was not waterproof. Next I went home to eat some proper food and to wash myself clean of this hellish stench. My seven-month-old daughter started to cry when I went to say hello. To the shower... Managed to get through the day somehow. The gig was good. Few head bangers in the front row. Hometown maniacs didn't let us down. Afterwards boys were like "Let's get drunk and celebrate the ending of tour", but I wasn't in a mood for drinking. Whole day was like waiting for slow death. After we had played I bowed, thanked and left home to cure myself from this terrible hangover. Everyone else except Ville and me boozed till 7.00 in the morning. What I heard, there was some nipple horror going on. But I wouldn't know about that, now would I?

Tomy 72 Runosmäki rastavampyyri, sähhh-ähh! (ja vähän Turunkin...)